7 Ways to be a Nigerian Senator

According to pulse tv editor, Jude Egbas, there are many ways to be a senator in Nigeria, but there seems to be shorter and easier ways and they are:

1. Ride on Okada before election:

During electioneering season, ditch your sleek cars for commercial bike rides (Okada). This works five stars. Ask Senator Ben Bruce who represents Bayelsa East in the senate. Don’t forget to eat Amala, Ponmo, Boli and roast maize on the streets while at it.

2. Join an establishment political party

You won’t become a Nigerian senator by joining a mushroom political party, trust me. At the moment, you can only become a Nigerian senator by joining the APC or PDP. You can also consider joining forces with APGA if you reside in the Southeast.

3. Be very active on social media

Yeah, you have to start tweeting and facebooking a lot in readiness for campaign season. Call your tweets fancy names like 'commonsense' or 'nuggets'.

Have a Facebook fan page with your picture splashed across the whole place. Something like “Friends of Ogidigbodigbo” or “Ogidigbodigbo fans page” would be a decent place to start.

Twitter will become your national assembly chamber.

4. Perfect your dancing and singing skills

If your dancing skills are as rusty as mine, you need to enrol for dancing classes, Seriously. And when you do win the election, you may need a break-dance or two to write yourself into urban folklore or virality.

Ask Senators Dino Melaye 

5. You don’t have to be smart to become a senator

Nah, not at all. In fact, the dumber you are, the better your chances of emerging senator. A third class from Uni? Perfect. A pass degree? Fantastic. Besides, if you are a first class or second class upper material, your constituents would say you speak too much grammar or are too sophisticated to represent them and won’t vote you into the national assembly.

6. Learn how to dodge questions and say little

When you become a senator, you would be asked how much you earn and stuff like that. Your job is not to say a thing. Learning how to dodge questions will serve you very well in the senate. Learn how to be evasive and to get really angry when folks ask how much you take home. Be an artful dodger.

7. Be ready to fight, lawmaking is serious business. It is also brute force.

There are days when you would need to fight for the legislative mace with other lawmakers or when you would have to physically beat up another lawmaker just to earn your fat wardrobe and furniture allowances.

There you have it, start preparing your way to occupy your own senatorial seat.